Oh man, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone say, "Our nation is so obsessed with food", well, honestly I'd have about 9 dollars. (I really don't know that many people to be honest and 9 is a lot to hear the same phrase from!) It's true though, we really are obsessed. I'm not so concerned about our nation though. I think lumping every individual into the term "our nation" is pointless and isn't going to help the individual very much. So I'd like to re-word that phrase to fit this post and my general outlook on things to, "I am obsessed with food". It's too easy to generalize. It makes you feel like, since everyone is obsessed, it's okay that I am too.
Well it's not. It sucks and makes you miserable. Wether you're obsessed with counting calories, dieting, binging, purging, over-exercising, "cleansing" (don't even get me started), eating only raw foods, not eating carbs (seriously guys don't get me started), not eating past 7 P.M., eating x amount of grams of fat, eating no saturated fat, eating no processed foods, it's just nuts! Albert Einstein once said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." So why do we keep extreme dieting?! Now, I'm not saying I don't do it. I do. And regardless of age, gender, race, location, we all fall victim. As a 21 year old female living in Southern California, I get it. For real, I get it.
Now, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone say, "I don't care what other people think of me", I would have close to like, five hundred dollars. And if I had a dollar for every time someone meant it, I'd have probably around three bucks. We all care what we look like. But it's how we handle it that defines us.
Confession: I was that girl.
For the last 5 or so years of my life, I have been in eating disorder hell. Restrict calories, cry, binge, cry, purge, cry, over exercise, cry. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. You get it. Now, most people don't know that about me so we're just getting real personal here. Anyways, for the last 6 months I've been in a treatment program. My team is amazing and I have learned SO much and feel like I have made great strides towards recovery. I have never weighed this much, and it's scary for me. But I am far from being over weight, and far from being under weight. I am, for all intensive purposes, NORMAL. Am I still afraid of food? Yes. But far from the anxiety it caused me only 6 short months ago. Do I still want to restrict/binge/purge/over exercise? At times, yes. But far from the uncontrollable urge I had 6 months ago.
This is why I am starting this blog. I want to talk about the demons that snuck into my mind, and how I'm getting them the F out. Because unfortunately, I'm sure someone reading this can relate. And maybe that person isn't ready for treatment, or they are but can't afford it or are scared. I want to free you like I am free now. Or rather, being freed. I know I have a long way to go, and I'm excited to document my journey with you guys.