Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Emotional Eating

Here's the deal--for the last week (okay forever, but more so this week), I have been an emotional wreck. A complete train wreck. Not even a hot mess as anyone who has ever seen me crying can attest to. My anxiety has been at an all time high, and my self esteem at an all time low. Now naturally, when things like my life and emotions are out of control, I usually turn to the one thing I'm really good at controlling. And that is my food. This week was the hardest weeks I've had in a long long time. Heart ache will do that to you huh ladies? (and fellas!). Anyways this week though something weird happened to me that hasn't really happened before except for the first time I had my heart broken.

Short story- The first time I had my heart broken, I was 17. I got cheated on and I thought I was going to literally die. This broken heart made me lose my appetite for a solid 4 days. I just didn't eat for four days and whatever I tried to eat I threw up (INVOLUNTARILY I might add) because I was just all kinds of messed up. Long story short: My appetite came back, but I really liked the way that I looked after not eating for four days, and this is where my eating disorder flourished into my best friend and my worst enemy. It was a perfect distraction. I didn't have to feel my feelings. All I had to do was focus on food, or how to get rid of it. (That seriously, obviously, came back to bite me in the ass...So much money on therapy and many ruined relationships and friendships...I can't even...what were we talking about? I'm not emotional or anything...)

This ties in to my week because this week, I completely lost my appetite. Naturally, I flipped out. All I could was sit in front of the food I knew I was supposed to be eating, and cry. Seriously. It was not cute. I've been able to take a maximum of 7 bites per 'meal' this week. The difference this time is that I WANT my appetite to come back. I WANT to eat. And that is what makes me different 4 1/2 years later. And that is exciting to me. Sure, I feel skinnier, but I also feel weaker. And I know any weight I have lost, is just water weight.

So other than this week, I, like I'm sure a lot of you, emotionally OVER eat. What is more comforting when you're lonely than an entire roll of Oreos? God that sounds good right now. But do you know what doesn't sound good? Is the feeling you get as soon as you finish that last Oreo. Not only are you still lonely, possibly lonelier, but now, you're uncomfortably full and sick to your stomach. Having said that, over eating sometimes is OKAY! Your body can handle it :) We have to be realistic, you're not NEVER going to emotionally over eat. It happens. If you're not TRULY hungry though (which you may be! Make sure to mentally check what you have eaten so far that day. If you are under your daily calories, you're probably ACTUALLY hungry and need to eat a proper meal or snack!) here are some things to turn to, other than food :)

Again, I can't stress this enough, remember that these coping tips aren’t meant to be distractions from a hungry stomach or when you GENUINELY want to taste the yummy goodness of a piece of cake, a bowl of pasta or whatever. These are helpful to use when you’re clearly in need of something beyond food.

  • Call a friend.
  • If you live with loved ones, ask them for a hug! Cheesy, but you'd be amazed at the super powers of a good hug.
  • Listen to soothing music, not sad. There is a difference between soothing and sad.
  • Write in your journal. The physical act of writing is a HUGE stress release.
  • Read a favorite book. 
  • Skype with a friend (I miss you Lauren!).
  • Put on your sweats and curl up on the couch.
  • Watch a favorite TV show.
  • Watch or read something funny.
  • Meditate. (If you meditate or do yoga, god bless you. I can't sit still for that long and I am so jealous of you)
  • Take a bath or shower.
  • Take deep breaths.
  • Just sit with your emotions, and FEEL them.
  • Pray if you pray.
  • GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Go to the park, gym, store, beach or just get in the car and drive.
  • Have a good cry. We all need one. I've taken my fair share this week. If I'm being honest, about two a day at least. Yikes.
& best of all......
:) I had to. I mean it calms me down to write it so hopefully you guys get a giggle or two but  more so, I hope you guys are learning and growing with me.

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