Thursday, May 17, 2012

Expecto Patronum

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Oh man guys, it has been a rough couple weeks since I've been back from Spain. I wish I could be one of those perma-vacotioners you know? No job, no schedule, no problems, sangria, sangria, sangria...what was I saying? But I knew eventually I'd have to come back and face my real life here. And it was waiting for me, guns a-blazing. Without getting into the hairy, intimate details of the shit show I've created for myself here, I will say this. I am working very very very hard right now on the most important relationship of my life. And that relationship is with myself. Cliche? For sure. But I'm a 21 year old girl living in Southern California with an eating disorder. Cliches are CLEARLY my thing. And yes, I do love the movie 'Mean Girls'.

Anyways, in addition to re-reading my post on Emotional Eating (I may or may not have destroyed some Dominos twice in the last two weeks...along with a pint of Cherry Garcia Ben & Jerry's...and washed it down with alcohol...lots and lots of alcohol) I have been doing a lot of reading. Now, I like to fancy myself as a pretty well read person. Catcher in the Rye, Pride and Prejudice, To Kill a Mockingbird, Animal Farm...totally into it. And yeah I did read all of those in high school. But the last two weeks, I have been ALL about Harry Potter. If you know me in real life, this is no surprise to you. I am a huge Harry Potter nerd. An epic, uber, nooby nerd, if I may.

I love the Harry Potter series for SO many reasons. First of all, they're awesome. Second of all, there are some serious life lessons in there. So here's what I've learned, and here's what's getting me through these tough times right now.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.
Under no circumstance will I let my past define who I am now, and who I will be in the future. What's done is done and it's what I will do from here that matters. 
You can sit and dwell in the darkness, or be thankful you have the ability to turn on the light. 
Siriusly guys. 

I saved this quote for last because it has a different meaning to me now then it did when I first read The Deathly Hallows. Your thoughts and words are the most powerful tools you possess. They can inflict the most painful wounds, and also heal them. 

As someone who struggles every day with a mental illness, I will tell you right now, it is the most frustrating, infuriating, painful, thing when someone belittles your thoughts. Or tells you that you're crazy. Or tells you that you are unstable and making poor choices because of what's going on inside of your head. Don't let anyone tell you that. Because even though they may or may not be coming from a place of love, your thoughts are real. They are yours. And even if they are irrational, they affect you more than anyone else ever will. What you think, you become. 

First, we change our thoughts. Only then, can our thoughts change us. Happy Thursday :) x

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